An interesting dynamic has come to my attention lately. I have been very involved in self-improvement exercises lately, and as a result I have become acutely aware of the little things that we all do as defenses. We all have behaviors that we engage in regularly that protect us, and I am not specifically interested in most if them. There are a very specific few that are focused on protecting our psyche, our ego even, that are fascinating to observe once you become aware of them.
These are the three “D’s” of defense that I recognized:
* Denial
* Deflection
* Deceit
**Denial**
Consider this scenario: Your company is experiencing communications breakdowns, and negative attitudes and behaviors throughout the organization. The CEO stands up before the company and talks of triangulation, under-performance, lack of effort and other destructive behavior.
The chances are pretty good that most if not every employee will recognize where they are falling short according to the CEO. The difference is in how people will react. The most common reaction in this setting is denial. Before they will let their conscious mind feel guilty or badly for engaging in destructive behavior, they will construct denial defenses. They will either think that the CEO is misstating the facts or in many cases they will agree with the CEO and say “Yeah you tell ‘em;” ignoring the likelihood that the CEO is talking to them and seeing this as calling out the rest of the team.
**Deflection**
Deflection is most common in face-to-face confrontations. Denial is much harder to achieve in public situations. Inside our minds there is nobody to challenge our denial, but when there is an opportunity for rebuttle, denial is too dangerous. If we are proven wrong we risk being exposed, so we deflect.
We turn the tables on the other party by pointing out their contributions to the problem as being more detrimental than our own. Or that our behavior was a direct result of theirs, and therefore even our part is their fault.
It is a dangerous game, but the most skilled at this can make the other party feel guilty before they even have the chance to respond. This, by the way, is my defense mechanism of choice.
**Deceit**
Deceit is the trickiest one of all. We see this often in scenarios that involve managers and subordinates. When there is a difference in power or authority between two parties in disagreement, it is sometimes too hard to deny or deflect. It is easier to smooth things over. Make it seem as though things are not as bad as they seem.
The interesting component of this defense is what makes it work. The willingness of the receiving party to deny their own participation in events leading up to the confrontation is the main reason deceit can even exist.
If my research and assumptions are correct your head was nodding just a few seconds earlier. I don’t expect that this article is going to change your life, but if it gives you a moments insight into why some people are the way they are it’s all been worth it.
